Who Says Penguins Can't Fly?

Baaaaaby Rockhoppers!

2007-01-16T17:26:17Z

Eudyptes cuteness, courtesy of outlanderssc and baaaaabyanimals:

Put us down! We gots some rockhoppin' to do!

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2007-01-13T18:37:57Z

Today's my last day at Weis. Bittersweet. I bet I cry....

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2007-01-07T03:29:04Z

Why is the Muzak in my grocery store playing King of Pain? I don't think that's going to drive sales anyplace but away!

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2007-01-02T18:59:18Z

Kinda sad. They're taking down the Christmas lights in downtown Laurel. Party's over....:(

LIFT-OFF!!!

2006-12-24T13:09:14Z

He's on his way! NORAD tracked Santa lifting off from the North Pole! Yippee!

I hope I get a pony.

Million $$ Idea

2006-12-19T23:25:22Z

Remember folks, you read it here first.

woofiegrrl is geeking about her new iPod and how she's going to pimp it out. I'm trying to do laundry which involves going from my Fortress of Solitude on the second floor down into the Mines of Moria (sorry about the mixed metaphor) every so often to fiddle with the washer and dryer. I've also got an online Christmas music radio station playing on my computer upstairs (WPOC -- yes it's country. If my daughter can listen to Michael J, then I can listen to Faith Hill and George Strait.) But I can't hear the online music when I go downstairs. Hmmmm. Combine all that in what's left of my brain these days and here's what you get:

An mp3 player that can pick up Internet radio stations via WiFi. Hell, might as well add HD radio too, while we're at it.

I'm sure Steve Jobs will be adding that in the next version of the iPod ... right after he adds an FM tuner.

Yeah, right.

W00T!!!!!111!!!1!1!

2006-12-16T17:49:08Z

I've got dial tone again! Yee Haw! So I've got DSL! Yipee!

And I've stopped puking up my guts! Hooray!

But now I've got to leave for work....

Crap.

Oh, well. Two out three ....

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2006-12-16T03:54:43Z

Off work tonite. Think I got mild food poisoning at the store Xmas party @ Greene Turtle last nite. Polonium 210 burger probably bad idea. Back to bed now.

Songs You Won't Hear At The Mall, Part 2

2006-12-15T16:24:22Z

I actually did hear this song at the grocery store where I work ... once. About an hour after the store closed. Haven't heard it since, and I spend a LOT of time at work; enough time to hear the Muzak track loop and start playing the same songs over again.

Perhaps it's because the words of the song lead one to believe that Christmas isn't found in any of the boxes on the shelves...and can never be taken away. Not even by the Grinch.

For lots of reasons, this is my favorite Christmas song this year.

Where Are You Christmas? by Faith Hill

Songs You Won't Hear At The Mall, Part 1

2006-12-07T02:28:31Z

But first some generalized whining about my life...

A few weeks ago, my friend Nancy had invited me to go line dancing with her, which illustrates either her incredible bravery or lack of self-preservation instinct because anyone watching me move for even a short period of time would come to the conclusion that I probably dance like an emu on the attack. And they'd probably be right. But invite me she did, and I accepted with frabjous joy -- "Callooh! Callay!" I believe were my exact words, though I could be mistaken.

Well, tonight was the night ... except that it wasn't. See, someone told Nancy the wrong date ... or they changed it at the last minute ... or she screwed it up and remembered wrong from the beginning ... ahem, only two possible choices there. Yes, indeed! =cough, cough= Anyway, the line dancing is next week. Which is too bad on a lot of levels, not the least of which is that I am literally all dressed up with nowhere to go. I did go out and buy a present for the girl who's name at drew at work for the office, but I didn't need to break out Pimp Master Ken to do that.

Also, I already have stuff to do next week. Now I have three things to do and only two nights off to do them. So I have to pick one to jettison. And I really, really hate to do that, because my social life is basically non-existent (see photo of Pimp Master Ken and random quote from Jabberwocky for obvious explanations for my lack of a social life) and I hate to lose any opportunities to do anything more exciting than watch my hair grow (or fall out ... depends on what part of my head you're looking at).

And tonight, I'm left with nothing else to do but write this ~~drivel~~ to entertain you ~~wankers~~ fine people. Why am I not doing something else with Nancy, since her plans got canceled too? Three words ...

Must. See. TV.

Hey! I never claimed to be more exciting than a box 'o sparks. =sigh=

So I'm in a rather grumpy, un-Christmas-like mood. Fortunately, Ray Davies of The Kinks was pissed off about Christmas way before I was. Therefore, I give to you the first song you won't hear at the mall this holiday season: Father Christmas by The Kinks*

*Disclamer: You actually might hear this song in certain parts of the mall this year. Specifically, the movie theater part. A pretty good cover of it by OK Go (of dancing on treadmills fame) is in the new movie Unaccompanied Minors. A good try, but the requisite "punkness" just isn't quite there for me. Maybe after a couple more hours on the treadmills, except in hot, wool Santa suits this time ....

Sing, Turkey, Sing!

2006-11-23T02:57:05Z

Mmmmm boy! Turkey day! My favorite part is when everybody gathers around the ravaged turkey carcass like vultures around a wildebeest on the African savanna and sings those old favorite Thanksgiving carols, like this one:

or this one:

and of course, who can forget this classic?

Ummm...OK. So, why aren't there Thanksgiving carols, anyway? Couldn't the Pilgrims sing?

National Survivors of Suicide Day

2006-11-18T18:01:47Z

Every 18 minutes someone in the US dies of suicide.

Every 19 minutes someone is left to make sense of it.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
National Suicide Prevention Hotline -- 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
The Bridge -- Official Movie Website

Rare swallow swallowed

2006-11-16T04:46:33Z

Birdwatchers flocked to see a rare swallow in Scotland - only to see it attacked and eaten by a sparrowhawk.

The red-rumped swallow, normally resident to the Mediterranean, excited twitchers when it was spotted at Lunan Bay, near Montrose.

Word that it had arrived on the East Coast of Scotland spread quickly, and a large crowd gathered to watch it flying over the beach.

The swallow's fatal mistake was to take a rest high on the roof of a nearby farm building, reports The Times.

The twitchers watched in disbelief as the sparrowhawk appeared, swooped on the swallow, crushed it with its powerful talons and flew off.

Mike Sawyer, of the Dundee branch of the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds, said: "We were horrified.

"We had just phoned local birdwatchers to tell them of this rare occurrence. Then we had to ring them back and tell them it had been eaten."

The RSPB says the red-rumped swallow is a rare visitor to the UK but occasionally turns up during the migrating season, probably having lost its way.

from Ananova

Birthday

2006-11-10T19:24:30Z

Happy Birthday Connie J. Fox-Board
11/10/1960 - 02/26/1994
I miss you.

Always On Your Side - Sheryl Crow

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought I'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be
No is it how it's really meant to be

Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side

Belated Halloween Costume Post

2006-11-03T03:14:06Z

I had to work Halloween night (gee, what a shock ... what holiday haven't I had to work on?) So I sorta went in costume. I say sorta, because I wasn't supposed to be anyone in particular. I just looked different from the way I normally dress. Dress code is white shirt, dark pants, tie and company supplied vest (+5 for dorkitude). Halloween I dressed ... different. I was told I looked like a Blues Brother, a guy from Men in Black and James Bond ... none of which was even remotely true. (James Bond ... only if the viewer had had way too many martinis could I ever look like James Bond!) A guy in the deli finally came up with the right name for me.

Meet Pimp Master Ken!

Once again, this kinda thing is probably why I can't get a date! Although, one of the managers did tell me that a woman stopped and asked him who the "nice looking man in black" was.

She didn't leave her digits, though. Pimp Master Ken gotta get the digits, fo' shizzle!

Luminous Veil

2006-11-02T04:29:14Z

War on Drugs
Steven Page

She likes to sleep with the radio on
So she can dream of her favorite song
The one that no one has ever sung since she was small

She'll never know that she made it up
She had a soul and we ate it up
Thrown away like a paper cup
The music falls

The only flaw in her detailed plan
Is where she wins back the love of her man
Everyone knows that he's never coming back

He took her heart and she took his name
He couldn't stand taking all the blame
He left her only with guilt and shame and then she cracked

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company

In the dream I refuse to have
She falls asleep in a lukewarm bath
We're left to deal with the aftermath again

On behalf of humanity
I will fight for your sanity
How profound such profanity can be

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company

Won't it be odd to be happy like we
Always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be

Near where I live there's a viaduct
Where people jump when they're out of luck
Raining down on the cars and trucks below

They've put a net there to catch their fall
Like it'll stop anyone at all
What they don't know is when nature calls, you go

They say that Jesus and mental health
Are just for those who can help themselves
But what good is that when you live in hell on earth?

From the very fear that makes you want to die
Is just the same as what keeps you alive
It's way more trouble than some suicide is worth

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company

Won't it be odd to be happy like we
Always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be

Hard to admit I fought the war on drugs
My hands were tied and the phone was bugged
Another died and the world just shrugged it off

Hey! I'm an artist! No, really!

2006-11-02T01:15:08Z

Hey everybody! Go check out my self-portrait at Mr. Picassohead.

Honest, it looks just like me.

No wonder I can't get a date....

Poetry

2006-10-31T17:40:03Z

To help set the mood for the season -- an excellent video reading of The Cremation of Sam McGee!

Extreme Diet Coke & Mentos Experiments II - The Domino Effect

2006-10-30T18:05:51Z



"Extreme Diet Coke & Mentos Experiments II - The Domino Effect" on Google Video
The guys from EepyBird are back, with 251 bottles of Diet Coke and over 1,500 Mentos mints. In Experiment #137, they did a mint-powered version of the Bellagio fountains. This time, it's one giant Coke & Mentos chain reaction that has to be seen to be believed. Keywords: eepybird eepy bird mentos coke diet coke mentos experiment fountain soda science geyser experiments fountains geysers

Trick or ...

2006-10-29T18:10:30Z

Halloween is almost here ....

Want some candy?

Bwahahahahaha...=koff, koff, gasp= Damn. Gotta work on that evil laugh.

Meet McKenzie!

2006-10-19T21:17:16Z

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2006-10-16T22:11:33Z

A woman just told me my cucumbers are great because they are so big & firm. O_o! I love working in a grocery store. Gonna go stand in the freezer now....

Superpowers

2006-10-16T16:02:18Z

I have a confession to make. I have superpowers. Well, just one superpower, actually. At least that's all that I've discovered so far – just the one. It's not under my control ... at least not yet. I'm still working on it. But it's OK to be around me. It's not dangerous. In fact, it's pretty benign as superpowers go.

I hope you know I'm taking a big risk revealing my secret identity to you. After all, when you have a superpower, you're supposed to have a secret identity. So the fact that I'm confiding in you is really quite risky.

What's that? Oh, right. I haven't actually told you what my power is. Promise you won't reveal my secret, OK?

I put out street lights.

Really.

I walk or drive past them and pfffft! – darkness.

Think about it. How many street lights have you seen go out? Any? Have you ever seen a street light go out? I've seen hundreds. Maybe thousands. Since I was a teenager. The old style blue-white ones, the sickly yellow ones, big, small ... doesn't matter. They all go out.

Well, not all. Like I said, I don't have the power under control yet. I can't make them go out when I want to. They just go out ... once in a while. Also, they usually come back on once I've gone past. There seems to be a distance factor involved, of course. Once I get the control thing worked out, I plan on working on pushing the distance out farther.

One thing that bothers me, though. I haven't figured out how I'm supposed to use this power to save the world. I mean, after all, what good is a superpower if you can't use it to save the world.

Unless ....

Unless I already have. Saved the world, I mean.

Maybe it's like the Butterfly Effect. You've heard of that, right? It's the theory that very, very small changes locally – even as small as the beating of the wings of a butterfly – can have very, very large changes globally – like changing the course of a hurricane.

Perhaps I've already turned off a street light at a critical time; delayed a person getting to an important meeting because they couldn't read a street sign in the dark. And because that person missed that meeting, everything changed.

You know ... the world was saved.

Maybe you've done the same thing. I don't know if you've discovered your superpowers yet.

You do know you have them, right?

So, what did it feel like for you?

Saving the world, I mean.

Tag! You're it!

2006-10-16T14:55:44Z

OK, so I don't do memes and tags and stuff like that here. Don't know why, I just find most of them kinda dumb and pointless, I guess. But I thought of one at work a while back and I've been waiting for someone to tag. Well, I finally found someone ....

Tag amanipanda! You're it!

amanipanda gets a FREE HUG because her brother was sick (but he's feeling better now), because she had fun dancing, bought new shoes for kickin' some smarts into her students and especially because she found the floor in her room!

Now that you're it, 'panda girl, pass the FREE HUG along to someone else who you think could use it. Or two or three people. That's the nice thing about hugs ... you can give them away and always have more to give!

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2006-10-13T01:00:47Z

Hooray for Bob Dylan on the car radio at stop lights! "Like A Rolling Stone." I needed that!